Aunt Majka and the Hole in the Ice

In January 2021, I stood waist-deep in the cold water of a frozen lake, holding a piece of ice, surrounded by people I regularly met with that winter for cold-water swimming. In the photo, it looks simple — a guy in the ice, a somewhat amusing shot. But behind it lies a journey worth telling.

My first entry into the icy water was different. I was there, filled with fear and shame about my own body. On this day, a bit later, I am already part of a group — and that is exactly what this part of the book is about.

Behind all of that beginning stands my Aunt Majka. At a time when I was at rock bottom — physically heavy, inwardly broken — she accepted me exactly as I was, without conditions. She never pushed, she just gently guided me towards movement. Eventually, she pushed me all the way to my first cold-water swim. I had no idea back then that this very step would become one of the turning points of the whole story.

That first, terrifying entry into the ice gradually turned into something regular — and with it came something I hadn't experienced before: a sense of belonging. A group of people who cared about me was a stark contrast to the years of loneliness before.

Part of this journey was also the moment when I allowed myself to ask the coach for help — and was initially rejected. Instead of breaking me, it strengthened me. I realized that I wanted to protect this new, real life. And that the key to progressing further in it was learning to say "yes" to new opportunities, even when feeling scared.

This passage is from the chapter A Glimpse of Light That Disappeared in the Dark, subchapters Majka – My Greatest Anchor and The Spark That Ignited Hope.