Bib number 29 — first race

17th September 2017. Beh Zubrohlavským chotárom, second edition. I have bib number 29 and in the finish photo I'm holding a medal in my hand.

Half a year earlier I started training with coach Mino. In those six months, twenty kilos came off. For the first time in my life I felt like I was moving in the right direction — so I signed up for the race spontaneously. After all, I'm an athlete now.

I wasn't. On the course I was cursing myself. What did I get myself into. That I can't do this. That all this exercising, all this weight loss was one big mistake. I finished almost last. Mino was waiting there, holding out his hand. All I could manage was one sentence: "Nobody told me we'd be running hills!"

Everyone praised me. I didn't feel good about it. Outwardly a success — twenty kilos down, finished race, medal. Inside I was completely lost. Childhood fears dragged me down even when from the outside it looked like I was winning.

My mom and stepfather were there too. It was the first and last time my mom saw me do sports. She didn't know what was happening inside me that day. And today I'm glad she didn't know — and that she saw me cross the finish line.

The chapter in which I write about this day is called A Glimmer of Light That Vanished in the Dark. That name didn't happen by chance. My last weigh-ins from that period are recorded in February and March 2018: 109.6 and 110.3 kg. Then the records end for two years. The next entry in my weight diary is only from June 11th, 2020 — 155.3 kg. Between those two numbers are two years that I will write about another time.

The 2017 race was a glimpse. What came after it is the reason why I'm writing this book.